In early recovery I didn’t have words to identify what those were. I couldn’t sit quietly and succumb to anything that was flowing through me unless it was an orgasm, an intriguing story or a delicious meal. With those, my need for love, intellectual stimulation and nourishment were being met and each were the basic requirements for my existence. Unfortunately in my addicted brain the wires often got crossed and I never knew which served what need. The desperation that stemmed from that confusion kept me anxious, angry, frustrated and afraid…ALL THE TIME!
Often, the actions I took were to squelch the feelings that should have served as my guidance system…the indicators and intuition that conscious folks use normally. My life was out of control, unhealthy and self-sabotaging.
No one can tell you what is right for you. Self-reflection, exercise, meditation, yoga, engaging in activities that stretch you past your comfort zone…all these things and others connect us to a deeper and more knowing part of ourselves that can balance the scales. Nothing new is easy if all you are doing is contemplating the possibility of doing the thing that might help you but you’re too afraid to try because…well hell”…I want to KNOW what is going to happen FIRST”! Action my friends…ACTION!
Start somewhere. Pick one thing that you have been thinking might be helpful and give it a shot. If you can’t think of something...color. Adult coloring books are popular these days. (http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/2015/12/13/adult-coloring-books-stress/76916842/) Sitting and filling in the lines and seeing the possibility. Having color and form emerge from time spent contemplating and following through is productive, grounding, and calming (provided you just have fun with it). Put on your sneakers and go for a walk. Look around you and be observant of what you see. Be curious about the people, the places, the wildlife…whatever unfolds before you. Find someone to help…some way to serve a higher purpose by getting involved in something that touches your heart. Pay attention to how the feelings show up in your body. Journal. If coloring feels silly to you…then write down why it feels silly to you. If your right toe hurt the entire time you were walking and you missed the sunset because you were focused on it…write down why it hurt. If the yoga class you attempted made you cry….ask yourself what it was that released in your body from all that delicious stretching. Pay attention to how it makes you feel when someone you help says “thank you” or smiles back at you. Be curious about yourself and the world around you…it is healing in many ways.
The point is that when we find ways to be with ourselves fully, we begin to discover all sorts of juicy information. Rock music lover that I was, I discovered I liked Baroque when I was trying to be creative…my fingers seemed to fly through the air whether it is on a keyboard, cleaning house or just spending time doodling. Gardening, dancing in my living room when no one is home, and learning new things…all of this stimulates the hormones in my body to heal and energize me. Today I live a life of miracles because I choose to pay attention to how my choices make me feel…and I pick the things that make me feel wonderful!
Find something that makes you feel good today. Pay attention…learn how your body feels with it.
How would choosing to feel good change your life today?